I don’t miss you anymore
Not with the pain and longing
That once swayed my boyish days.
I sit in the room and
My thoughts don’t seem to envelope me
To fall in on themselves.
The walls stay firm; I can write again.
I don’t stop in my tracks anymore
When I hear your name being called
As common to another as most
Yet always managing to stand out
To the ear well trained.
I don’t think of you anymore
In memories that were exclusively yours
As I make plans to store more
Or simply forget when I can’t.
I don’t see your face anymore
Your smile
doesn’t hold my heart in it’s palm anymore
Always ready to press down and crush it
Which it always did.
I don’t hesitate anymore
The way I would when I
Spoke without a mouth
The things that couldn’t be unsaid.
And I am getting better.
I don’t say I am happy, but
I can say that I smile more
Without feeling the absence inside.
The meaning still stays
In the average things with the average signs
That are now only a thought,
Far away.
“I don’t miss you anymore”
Is something I repeat to myself
A mantra
Over and over
In hopes that I come to believe it someday.
Raef Kazi's Blog 